Where to begin? February was a month ofextreme highs and lows. Towards the end of January and the beginning ofFebruary, I finally “pulled up my big girl panties” and got over the impendingdeployment. It was coming, and there was nothing I could do to change it! Itwas going to happen, so it was time to go ahead with my life.
Once that FINALLY made sense to me, andseeped it’s way into my thick noggin, I was o.k. That’s really all I needed,was to come to terms with it! I remember it hit me out of nowhere. It was likea light bulb going off over my (thick) head! I was cooking dinner, and beingall “Woe is me, my husband is leaving.. waaah.” And, all of sudden, I was like “GETOVER IT! Make the best of it! Quit yer bitchin’ and enjoy the time you haveleft!” So, that’s what I did.
We spent a lot of our weekends inFebruary going on dates for lunch, out for dinner, and celebrating our veryfirst Valentine’s Day together!
My attitude changed, basically overnight.Instead of being sad that he was supposed to leave only a few short weekslater, I was thankful that he was able to be there while he could! I alsorealized that whether he knew it or not, MY attitude had so much to do with notonly how I felt, but also how he seemed to feel. It also set the tone for howeveryone around me would take the deployment too. I didn’t want to make him anysadder about having to leave me behind! There was no reason in the world toworry him anymore about anything at home, so that’s what I set out to do, keepthings together, no matter what.That attitude adjustment, that I gavemyself that night in February, literally shaped my entire year for the better.I could pull this off.
The end of February rolled around, and itwas time to experience my first “see you later” as we call them in themilitary. (It’s never a good-bye!)
We talked about it, and decided not tolet too many people know when he was leaving, for not only OPSEC (safety guidelinesof what you’re allowed to say online and to other people before, during andafter a deployment) but also so we could keep the experience of him leavingsomewhat controlled and calm.
The night he left, we both just put downour phones, computers, and anything else distracting and just focused onspending our last little bit of time together! It would be the last time forMONTHS that he would get to sit there on that couch, in our living room withme, so we savored every last moment!
It was nasty outside and raining andsleeting pretty heavily the night he left. (how appropriate!)
When he left it all happened really fast,but it’s something I’ll never forget. When they called his name, and we walkedover to the bus, I realized I had NO CLUE what I was going to say. I hadn’teven thought of it, with everything crazy going on! But, true to form, he knewjust what to say to make the situation a little better. I kissed him one “last”time, and then yanked him back to give him one more. I remember holding ontohis hand until the very. last. second. that I could, until we had to let go. Ilooked down and saw our hands break apart. That was the last time I would seehim in person or touch him for 8 months.
Somehow, I didn’t cry when he left, eventhough I wanted to. It started raining again, after they put them all on thebus. As I was waiting, I saw a little girl(probably no more than 4 years old) saying “Goodbye” to her Daddy. Her mom hadto basically pull her off of her Dad, and in between sobs I heard her cryingthat she didn’t want her Daddy to leave. As her mom walked away with the littlegirl crying over her shoulder, the little girl stopped, looked at me and waved!I smiled back, and waved, and in that moment, I was like, “I can do this. Ifshe can do it, I can.” It’s funny how little moments can change your attitude.
That night I also got a good laugh out ofthe fact that my husband was assigned to ride in the ONLY UK blue bus out ofthe 8-10 busses that were there! Of course he would be in that one.
February was really a month about growingup and learning what it meant to “pull up my big girl panties and deal with it”.I still feel pretty awesome that I handled all of that by myself. I didn’t haveany friends or family there with me when I watched the busses pull away for thefirst time with my husband. I didn’t have anyone to walk with when I went backto my car alone, or anyone to ride with me all the way home in the middle ofthe night. I sent him off, drove home, spent the first night by myself in ournew home, in a new state, and did it all without breaking down and crying. Itwould have been perfectly acceptable to break down and cry of course, but Ichose not to. It’s an accomplishment and an experience I am proud of. J
February was one of those months, where duringit, you think “WHAT THE HELL DID I DO TO ANYONE?” because things just aren’tgoing necessarily the way you planned. I had to give up all my control, send myhusband to war, and start to learn to handle things on my own in a new place!But, now, looking back, it was a month that held experiences that really shapedour marriage, shaped my outlook on life, and made me grow the hell up.
Itwas rough, but I’m thankful we went through it!
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